Life Is Not Easy....

This is us last March, bawak Ca & Luke pi Muzium (tempat kegemaran Ca!!:P)

I've gone through loadssssssssssssssssssss of thing in my life...It's not easy you know?

During my childhood I started to sacrifice already..it's not that hard la b'coz I born to be a person who always mengalah..my mum also told me many times that I am a mengalah person type since my childhood. For your info, I have a lots of niece & nephews. Imagine I have 8 siblings and all of them got married and, got children..some of them married twice, three times etc..so imagine la how many cucu my mum got. so during my childhood, my mum always not around. She always went to stay with my sister's yg ada anak kecik and take care of their children away from me. sampai saya darjah 6 I have to beralah la stay with my Arwah Apak kat kampung berdua..and my Arwah Apak la yg jaga makan minum saya bersama sedara mara yg duduk dikeliling umah. But I never complaint..what to do right???Dulu gaji my sisters bukan banyak sgt, mana nak gajikan org nak jaga anak2 diorang....so it's ok for me. I dari kecik smp skrg mmg kepala sempoi...Walau mcm mana pun I still ok with my study..sekolah kat kampung, x banyak sgt cabaran..eventhough mak not always around, but I can manage to keep my result in every exam ok la...always got 1st place in my class from Darjah 1 smp Darjah 6..Masa Periksa Penilaian Darjah 5 I got 5As (seme A la masa tu 5 subject je kan..), so overall ok la...I still can manage all situation at that time...Alhamdulillah...Terima Kasih Allah...

Masuk sekolah menengah duk kat hostel, tu Sek. Men. Keb. Agama Sultan Azlan Shah kat Bdr Seri Iskandar Bota..ok la, dah biasa berjauhan dgn Mak kan...tapi that time masa mula2 tu my mum plak yg selalu menangis kat umah kata my niece. But everything went well...my SRP (or now PMR) not so good, I got 13 aggregate only..I cried almost a week for that result...:P my SPM quite ok, Alhamdulillah I got 1st grade with 11 aggregate...Habis je SPM I stay with my sister at Kajang since my mum is staying with her at that time coz my mum have to take care of her daughter. I straightaway keja terus after that at Petaling Street for a few months and then my fren took me to work at Pudu Plaza for a few months oso until I got offer letter to further study at UM and UIA. I chose UIA for the course offered quite ok (Economics Course)but ended up I got degree in B.Hsc in Mass Comm..Masa keja2 partime lepas SPM and Before start my class at UIA tu lah I met my x-husband aka Papa Ca & Luke.....:-)

Yuppp...we berchenta lama tau..mmg family not so setuju with our relationship la because I still study, bla..blaa..bla..mcm2 la..But after 7 years berchenta, we got married...and right after my graduation day, I work at this company as a temporary staff replacing a staff who was on maternity leave that time. I work hard and show my enthusiasm until my boss at that time En Abu Mansur Matridi recommend me as a permanent staff to this company. Working is a great oppurtunity, met great friends and build up my life with so much more interesting things etc. My marriage life is great, tambah2 bila Ca lahir..yes ada jugak not so great, very sad, ada ratusan problem dan macam2 hal jadi, but I've gone through all those thing sampai sekarang....Don't know where is the end...but i still "kayuh" la...me & Mr X masih mcm tu, bercerai tapi hari2 berjumpa...the kids needs him, x jumpa sehari dua2 menangis dan merengek call la papa mama..call la papa...jom la gi jalan2 mama dgn papa..everyday like that u know!!..what should I do?so I put away all my ego and put my kids as my priority...so far I still can hang in here and there!!:P Tapi entah lah....my mental block I keep it stronger then ever so that I won't be defeated by all these tests in my life...Deep down in my heart, I just tawakkal and believe in that Allah have plans for all these...hopefully there is a "sinar di hujung jalan" for me......

Gone through all this things, ikutkan hati tinggalkan semua yg x best nih, ikut kepala nak lupakan semua, mula hidup baru dengan semua benda baru..tapi tak boleh...sebab infront of me there are two little angels yg permintaannya tak dapat tidak, saya terpaksa penuhi sebab saya tak mahu membayangkan langsung hidup diorang tanpa orang yg diorang sayang iaitu saya & papa diorang. Orang boleh dengar cerita saya, tengok keadaan saya, tapi saya plak tengok keadaan diorang dan mendengar rintihan diorang. Jadi biarlah saya yg beralah sebab saya agaknya memang dilahirkan sebagai seorang yg beralah...dan lagi saya dah tua, bleh bertahan dalam apa keadaan pun insyaAllah..tapi anak2 saya sgt kecik, saya tak tahu diorang mampu ke tak menerima erti kehilangan andai saya ikut kata hati saya yg panas dulu..atau kini..atau bila2...So buat masa until tak tau bila, saya akan jadi mcm saya masa kecik2 dulu, "bearalah"...dengan harapan Allah akan beri saya yg baik2 je di masa depan tak kira dalam apa segi pun...saya tak boleh ingat macam mana keadaan Ca bila saya dan Mr X bercerai mula2 buat kali kedua aritu..Ca turun berat badan dan berendam air mata di sekolah setiap hari...melihat keadaan dia mcm tu lah saya jadi beralah sampai la sekarang....

Siapa pun tak akan faham, selagi dia tak merasai apa yang saya rasa....hanya Allah yang faham...:-(